C R U N K

I hate that fucking word.

Tom Sizemore Uses Fake Penis to Pass Drug Test

But he still fails it. Tom Sizemore, best known for his role in Saving Private Ryan, was recently allowed by the courts to shoot a film in Cambodia as long as he submitted a pee test everyday. He agreed. He failed three tests the first three days. He was also caught using a prosthetic penis used to dispense clean urine. (HA!) Apparently he has been caught doing this before. (They say it is a device that you can buy on the net.)

Tom has been on probation for beating his ex, Heidi Fleiss, and possesion of meth. He was also living out of a garage in California and was an expectant father during his court hearings. (He's come a long way!)

Corey Feldman Says Jacko Showed Him Nude Pics

Corey Feldman has always come to Michael Jackson's defense. Until now. Who knows why all of a sudden he is deciding to come out with it all.
Feldman said in a recent interview that 20 years ago while at Jacko's apartment he discovered a book on the table which centered on venereal diseases and genitalia. (Fun!)

Jackson showed Corey, then approx. 13 yrs old, the pictures (naked men & women, of course) and explained them and what they meant. Corey went to authorities last week following the interview, (shouldn't he have done that instead of the interview?) and has since been subpoenaed as a witness and was placed under a gag order.

Feldman & his wife

"I started looking at each piece of information," Feldman said. "And with that came this sickening realization that there may have been many occurrences in my life and in my relationship to Michael that created a question of doubt."

This one is a coin toss. Both Wacko Jacko and Feldman are fucking out there.

Britney & Kevin, Beginning of a Breakup?

Mr. & Mrs. Spears marriage might be a bit rocky. Shocked? I didn't think so. Maybe Kev finally got tired of the dog shit, ratty hair, smelly feet & acne.

Could be why he partied hard with old buddies in Vegas for a wild weekend and then came home with a $5400 bill for his wife to pay. (What, you think he actually pays for things?) Supposedly money has been a sore issue with the couple lately.
Spendin' Kevin has also been seen out recently without his wedding ring. The pair has not been spotted together in awhile. Some say the marriage is doomed.
Ok.
Everyone says it.

Smack Me, Bitch!

The Scent of Sarah Jessica Parker

SJP has a new fragrance coming out.

poof!

She struck a deal with Coty and the scent should be out very soon. Sarah promises that she is not just attaching her name to crap. She collaborated with Coty to come up with something that she personally loved. Hits stores this Fall.

Have you wondered what 'Big' has been up to?
I sure as hell have. (Meooow!) Chris Noth is going to guest star on 'Law & Order' this weekend and will be a permanent fixture next year. Yay!

Nicole Richie & DJ AM, Engaged

Foxy little Nicole is officially engaged to boyfriend of a year, Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM. He looks a bit lanky and pizza-boyish to satisfy that little tamale. Maybe he's why she lost the weight..so that she would be smaller than him.

Tara, the Top Don't Match the Bottom

Tara Reid's new implants sure look like hell with the way her body is proportioned. (Tits never look good on a 12 yr old boys body.) The once petite chested Tara now sports a pair of very large knockers. The problem? Now her hips (none) & stomach look ridiculously thin and anorexic compared to her buxomly bouncers.


Holy shit, her thighs are TINY!

Her stomach looks like it was molded out of clay. It's all lumpy like that.

(2/12/05 EDIT:Thanks AwfulPlasticSurgery.com for using the Smack's exact words to describe Tara's stomach. L-A-M-E. Thanks Jamie.)

She needs to eat more meat & potatoes or get those things yanked out. I mean, I am all for nice big-uns', but those babies do not belong there!

Kevin Federline Does Details

Mr. Spears gets to 'wow' us on the cover of the upcoming April issue of Details magazine.
:yawn: Whatever. I guess Britney (and her little kicker-dog, Bit-Bit) oversaw the entire photo shoot and 'makeover' of her pussy husband. She wanted to see him look a bit more distinguished.

We still think he is a punkass.
(Thanks Ashley)

Smack It!