Spicy Pants Has Left the Building!

Once again Spicy Pants is hot tailing it out of town.
So I apologize ahead of time for no SMACK talk this weekend. I'll be back talking shit by Monday. Until then if I miss anything, email me and let me know. Love hearing from you crazy bastards! Birds of a feather...

Britney sends her regrets.

Tori Spellling Does Usher

...or so she wished!
I'm a little late on this one, but little Ms. Leno-jaw partied it up during the Kentucky Derby parties at the track. She got completely fuckered up (true to form) and proceeded to do a lapdance for Usher while he sat at a table. Her husband in the meantime, had to sit & watch as he was completely disgraced by his juicer-tramp of a wife.

Tara Reid ain't got shit on Tori.
And if that was not enough, Tori even simulated giving Usher a knob job...right SMACK in front of everyone. There was no shame here, folks. At least not on her behalf. Her poor husband had to have fucking freaked afterwards. Sometime during that same party Tori also lost a huge rock of a diamond earring. Serves the twat right!

Natalie Portman Arrives at Cannes Premiere with a Shaved Head

Natalie Portman shocked everyone at the Cannes premiere of 'Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith' yesterday.

She showed up without any hair. Amazing how she looks just as beautiful without it. (and Lindsay thinks it's a big deal that she dyed her hair blonde..ha!)

Paris Refuses to Read Own Menu

Pam Anderson says that Paris Hilton refuses to read her own menus and demands that they be read to her by restaurant staff.

Recently Pam & Paris went out for a bite and Paris threw a fit, yelling for someone to read her menu to her. Paris says it is because she doesn't like to read.
Talk about a fucking lazy high-maintenence bitch! Fucking wah!

Now Hiring: Stylist for Lindsay Lohan!

It looks as though Lindsay cannot dress herself as of late.

Her dress looks awful with her skin color and hair, and the shoes?! Lovely dyed blue satin pumps from your Junior Prom. Lindsay is so thin now she has absolutely no muscle tone on her arms, and her breasts (which were HUGE last year) have almost completely disappeared.

Lindsay in her new favorite 'Mary Kate' boots.

Tara Reid & Mystery Man

And I thought Tara was dating Tommy Lee.
That was sooo last week! Here is Tara hanging with some hairy dude in Los Angeles. The two went shopping for sunglasses.

Tara, honey PUHLEEZE get those implants taken out!
They look so horrible!